Friday, April 9, 2010

2 years

I had a good day yesterday...despite the knowledge that I'll be in Florida on April 11. Just two years ago on April 14th I proclaimed the end to Florida - other then for the investigation of Jim's murder and hopefully a trial one day, I was through....wasn't coming back! Well that lasted briefly - my dislike still strong and fully grounded, I must 'face the music' and go to Florida for other reasons. It is a warm place - tropical and pretty, full of friends and family, sunshine and people who do care. I found more people who care yesterday. They care that Jim had life and was a contributor to this world. That makes me feel good.

Jim is missed every moment of every day. I get sad easily and I cry often. I pray for understanding and probably will never really understand. I struggle with that. I pray for answers and slowly...very slowly 'tidbits' (as I call them), are delivered.

I dreamt of Jim again last night. I was in a room that resembled a hotel lobby. I thought I saw him at the desk and ran to see him...the man turned, it was not Jim. I walked outside, still searching, and there he was. He was sitting in a chair and we both burst into to tears. We sobbed and held each other. I then woke up. I felt as if we had cried over his death. I don't know the meaning of the dream, but I know how much I love that young man and how much I miss him.

Please pray for answers to Jim's murder. It's been two years, it's time to know.

Love, Joanne (Jim's MOM)